Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
