worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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