U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
