What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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