Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
