either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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