it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
