Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
