Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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