Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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