Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just cropdusted the office
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
