This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize