He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
