I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
