Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
