took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize