My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize