Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
