wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
