I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
