dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
