as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
