what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Be still, my beating vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
