It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize