Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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