Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
