He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
