38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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