The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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