Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my fart just growled at me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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