Your face is a jimmy john
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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