i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
