You're so nebulous sometimes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize