Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize