You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
