I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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