why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
