My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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