i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
