I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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