Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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