I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
