I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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