I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
