I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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