i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
