Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize