On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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