i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
