I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
