Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
