he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize