I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
