A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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