It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
