I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
