I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
