A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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