Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
