Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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