I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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