If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
