So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
