Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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