I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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