Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
