We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
