I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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