I wanna bring you to show and tell
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
