Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
