I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
