My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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